I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
