But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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