That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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