Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
