My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
