i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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