I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
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You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
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Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize