You work out of a Hotel?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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