Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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