I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
