Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
35 Of The Funniest Things People Said While Banging
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.