ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?