im drinking this country out of the recession.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
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I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
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He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?