So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom