YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
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I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
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I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel