So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
