its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
