her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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