I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I faked an abortion last night.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
