i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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