Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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