you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
