i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
