Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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