i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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