I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
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Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
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And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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