I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
