You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
