I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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