Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
