I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
