Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
