His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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