I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
