Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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