Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
