Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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