That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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