I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
