dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
