Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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