I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
