all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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