is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
