I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
