if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
