Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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