I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
