Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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