4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.