Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.