people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left