What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
