As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*