Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again

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  (650): apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again http://tfl.nu/fi23
  Replies (23) Good night (1323) Bad night (3680)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom

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  (806): apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom http://tfl.nu/lh1h
  Replies (11) Good night (1288) Bad night (3371)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.

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  (205): We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor. http://tfl.nu/xv4s
  Replies (12) Good night (1092) Bad night (4935)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.

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  (304): He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too. http://tfl.nu/2www
  Replies (42) Good night (1735) Bad night (14289)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.

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  (678): Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date. http://tfl.nu/ovv7
  Replies (3) Good night (2887) Bad night (769)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.

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  (443): I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck. http://tfl.nu/69rd
  Replies (17) Good night (7816) Bad night (2019)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.

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  (307): He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment. http://tfl.nu/tvxk
  Replies (1) Good night (1137) Bad night (2366)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double

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  (604): she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double http://tfl.nu/55xg
  Replies (18) Good night (4725) Bad night (1016)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.

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  (313): I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents. http://tfl.nu/eaix
  Replies (6) Good night (3022) Bad night (834)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room

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  (610): Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room http://tfl.nu/oqu1
  Replies (20) Good night (3557) Bad night (657)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  We still on for coffee?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.

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  (443): We still on for coffee? (410): Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45. http://tfl.nu/m7ui
  Replies (5) Good night (581) Bad night (1173)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.

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  (614): The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN. http://tfl.nu/jkdc
  Replies (15) Good night (1547) Bad night (507)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives

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  (513): I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives http://tfl.nu/f744
  Replies (6) Good night (1640) Bad night (370)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  Security deposit gone.

  (269): View more from Michigan

  burned down garage with fireworks.

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  (269): Security deposit gone. (269): burned down garage with fireworks. http://tfl.nu/rlam
  Replies (5) Good night (373) Bad night (656)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.

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  (512): Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl. http://tfl.nu/szyu
  Replies (5) Good night (591) Bad night (231)

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