I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
