***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
