there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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