I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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