you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
