Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Houston, we have a squirter
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
