alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My vagina is officially offended.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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