A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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