Even water is tasting like jack daniels
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
