ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
