A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
