it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
