I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
