What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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