I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
