I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
