There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Congratulations! We have a period
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