he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
