Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
