there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I supernannyed him into submission
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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