I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
