Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
nutella sex= disaster
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
