Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
