Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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