i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
