I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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