I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
